WHERE DO YOU STAND IN THE QUEUE?

Kenyans on X(KOX) is the meeting place for Kenyan creatives. The ideas, knowledge, insights and imaginations are all of immense proportions. Unfortunately like a year ago, I quit X when I felt that X had begun to control me, every free minute on phone scrolling. I dislike being controlled by anyone or anything. I uninstalled it. On KOX, I liked some ideas from Amerix, one famous KOX, whose quote, ‘A man who controls his cravings for food and sex, has solved 90% of his problems.’ I believe, until today.  Let's talk about food. I cannot claim to have completely conquered food cravings but am able to change my food routine anyhow or anytime I feel like. Many times, I lived on one meal a day. One colleague, let’s call her W.N.  was ever amused at my eating habits and every time she asked, I would joke that I was saving for the future, and she would tell me to continue to deny yourself and save but ‘legends’ (referring to my kids) will be happy to flaunt showing off the wealth, after I will have died denying myself. We all knew that the story of Legends was a joke, but I took with me ‘self-love’ lessons which I hold dear to-date.

Talking about denying oneself good things in life reminds me of our African parents who toiled the whole of their lives to make sure that our lives got better. And it worked well because for their toil, we are all better today. For our sake, they literally forgot themselves. The question though is, was that fair or just?  We appreciate their effort, but I think they should have treated themselves more fairly. I do not think it is right to completely deny yourself for anything or anyone else. And controversially, I would say including your children. And don't get me wrong, it is important for any parents to take good care of their children, but it is not right to forget yourself in the process. There are parents who have literally gone mad because of stress accrued in effort to make their kids lead a good life. Parental Advisory! If you feel like your mental health is at stake because of children, maybe there is need to slow down and begin by taking care of yourself. You could begin by taking a weekend getaway. Thank me later. This story reminds me of Baba G. As we grew up, Baba G. was fairly financially successful since he owned several flats, some with over 30 units and would collect handsome rental income every month. But the level of self-denial that baba G. exhibited has not stopped to amuse me to date. First, he never owned a pair of shoes but walked around with a ‘Akala shoes’ (shoes made from old vehicle tyres). Every time he would walk to town (from Nairobi’s Huruma area, where we lived), he would walk the whole journey only consoled by a piece of roasted maize that he usually bought from roadside vendors.

Let me also talk of the best manager that I ever worked under. Let’s call her C.R. Two reasons I think she was great is one, she separated personal issues and work-related issues never meddling but working all the time so professionally. Two, she was always honest and forthright. Instead of beating around the bush, she preferred to go right through the bush. An example is one day when she had decided to have a meeting for all of us after our workday and colleagues would later complain heartily that she was insensitive since some colleagues lived very far, some even 30KM away. Her answer was simple, ‘where a person lives is a personal choice and there are ever so many places near the workplace that someone could have opted to live.  so, if someone chose to go far, that is no reason not to participate in work related activities’ That was profound for me, and I wondered why I was living 26 KM away. I discovered later that owning a home could turn out to be slavery of tiresome long journeys every day(controversial) I even moved to live around 8 KM away and the quality of my life improved tremendously e.g. by daily sleeping longer. While discussing career growth, I told C.R. that I always wanted to be a trainer, and she told me to quit because there were no opportunities for trainers within the organization. I eventually quit and already doing training thanks to C.R. Anyone who sees her, please tell her I appreciate everything, for influencing my life so positively.

Until today, most parents, especially in Africa, continue to live sorry lives, doing everything for their children and themselves living miserable lives. I tend to believe that the only thing we owe our children is education and that is where it ends. This business of leaving an inheritance to them is neither here nor there. of course, the bible encourages it, but it mustn’t be 10M and a pineapple farm. Not really. It could be my forks and spoons. I mustn’t kill myself seeking to leave enormous wealth for my children. We don’t have a contract. No, no, no.  It is this stupidity that has landed former Kiambu Governor, Ferdinand Waititu in prison. I guess he had enough even before joining politics before he allowed himself to be influenced by the demons of hunting and gathering and leaving enormous inheritance to even your children’s children. Now, even the children he so much cared about are stressed daily about their father. So, Mr waititu and many other waititus out there, is it worth it?

I never believed in brands until I upgraded my phone into a Samsung last week. Samsung is amazing. The sound, user interface, the extra offerings…. all super. I have had other good enough brands from some country, let’s call it C. I have eventually realized that the phone brands are mere overtures of the wannabes. Influenced by Sam, I bought my last phone from C. last year at Ksh 39,000. Can you imagine? That would have been enough for a good Samsung phone. Let’s compare the 2 brands in terms of sound system. Music by the brand from C.  is the sound of those mating cats the whole night all-over our roofs that prevented me scoring an A because of the disturbance it caused me every night. Or better, the sound of a tightened throat of the men who were pulled from the streets, thugs’ hands around their necks, before they were released back to the streets without wallets, shoes and sometimes without trousers. In those days, Huruma corner was terrible. But Samsung Sound is an amazing experience. It is the sound of a university professor discussing why that middle age’s philosopher’s theory is as useless as the conquest of the hero who killed a dead lion.

When I told one of my friends that I had bought a new phone. She asked me to reward her with my old phone and I said no. I told her that I cannot participate in propagating an injustice against her. Why would I allow her the dishonour of using someone’s else already used phone when there are so many new phones in the shops waiting for owners? And she told me that she had school fees to pay, rent to pay for business Premises and so on. Then I told her that that was the problem, she paid everyone else and always had nothing left to pay herself. I told her to come to the front of her own resource distribution queue and always start by paying herself. That is why management experts teach that in our list of expenditures, we should always pay ourselves first. I recently heard a lady preacher tell her congregants that sometimes they should delay paying school fees, go for a holiday with that money, then come back to explain to the schools to be allowed to pay slowly. That was important lesson. Be first in the queue is the principle. Let all others follow.

So, need I say more? Think me not. Sometimes I think that if Kenyans began to love themselves more than even their children, many problems we face as a society like corruption would begin to end because people are stealing from public coffers to leave inheritance to their children and children's children.

Just have enough money for yourself and your children’s education. That should be enough. Why do you need so much?

The big question is, in your queue to pay people every month, where do you stand in the queue? I advise everyone to come in front of their own queues.

Matthew 22:39 also asks us to stay in front of our queues, "And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’"

Am I speaking to someone?

 

@Stephen Mungai

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