MOTHER TO JAMES

 MOTHER TO JAMES

James Kaguri was the second child of her mother, Wairimu. James was named after the mother's father as per Kikuyu traditions. The first born was Mburu, but when James came, Mburu seemed to have been forgotten because the mother became too close to James and naturally so, he was named after her dad. The last born in the family was their sister Warigia. To date, the father has always been busy attending to his many businesses and as a result, spent very little time with his kids in their younger days. The 3 siblings are now adults and only Warigia is yet to start a family. Mburu is married with 4 kids. James, on the other hand is also married with 2 kids. At the time when he got married, James had a stable job with a local matatu Sacco that operates in the Nairobi-Thika route. This was before he got tired of the job and left to start a business. With the support of the mother, he tried his hand in buying old cars, repairing them, and reselling them at a profit. The first project, and as guided by his friend Mithamo, did not go very well, only getting a profit of 10K after 3 weeks of hard work. He was a little disappointed with it and is yet to do a second trial. He has never been worried even without much earning because, and lucky for him, the mother has never let him suffer. Every time he has financial difficulties, the mother will always give him cash to relieve him of trouble. James's wife Rachael has always had a problem with her husband about the mother because she seems to be in control of James. Rachael only realized too late that James never makes important decisions without consulting the mother. The situation has been so bad that sometimes, Rachael would be called by the mother-in-law to be told that her idea is not good, an idea which the couple had privately discussed and decided on. James reports to the mother all that the couple does and plans. This has always angered Rachael, and nowadays, she just let the mother son relationship be since she seems not to be able to get between them. Rachael became so nerved by it until she would sarcastically tell James that his mother had control over them in everything, including when and how they do it under the sheets. 

This looks like a problem with upbringing or? Is James Mum love good or too much? What should Rachael do? Can she change the man, or must she accept the status quo? Can James overcome the control and be his own man? 

Oedipus complex was named after Oedipus who in Greek mythology killed his own father and married the mother. The concept explains how boys are attracted to their mothers and while this is a natural phenomenon, it is curious to explain to ladies as to where exactly to draw the line between loving their sons and doing it too much to a level of spoiling them. So, how can mothers avoid bringing up irresponsible men in this respect? Could the problem with James also be attributed to the lack of involvement of the father? 

The problems of boys in our society today are many. Too much love from mothers is only one of the many. Irresponsible men in the society and mental health issues of men is a major problem that the society needs to address because the effects of it are far reaching.

As we keep telling our men and boys to man-up, I think it's important to find out where the problem springs from so that we could have more responsible and mentally fit men in our society. Maybe women should help in bringing up the boys better by avoiding too much love or?  The strong men on the other hand should help the struggling men up, instead of just telling them to man-up because Proverbs 27:17 is still true, ‘As iron sharpens iron, so does a man sharpen another.’

 

@ Stephen Mungai