OF TALK...WHOLESOME OR NOT

 OF TALK...WHOLESOME OR NOT

Kenya is a democratic state unlike many States worldwide especially in connection to freedom of speech and expression. That is something to be proud of as Kenyans more so when it seems that the dark days of forced abductions and murder of state critics seem to be behind us. That said, it is also worth noting that the right in Article 33 of Kenyan 2010 constitution has some limitations to it and as expressly stated, 'This right is not absolute and does not extend to propaganda for war, incitement to violence, or hate speech." We are getting close to the general elections next year and in such a period, the right to freedom of speech will be enjoyed to greater length. The right seemed to have been enjoyed a few days ago by the President himself when he accused his former deputy of impregnating and killing a college girl. This was in response to the former deputy's remark that the President was having sleepless nights and so emaciated that his ears had propped higher. Thinking of the 2 'insults' critically tempts me to think that the Presidents accusation could be true because, I expected the accused to sue the president considering the gravity of that accusation but so far, he has taken no action. What is more curious is that the family of the deceased girl is yet to take action and seek justice for their kin after new evidence from the statement by the head of state. The words by the President also raises a serious moral question making him as guilty as the person who did the crime because, if he was a good person, he would not have waited until now to expose a criminal. It reminds me of a Kikuyu saying, 'Gūtirī mūici na mūcūthīthīria' which loosely translates to, 'if you watch a thief stealing but do nothing, then you are also a thief'. Politicians and their words is a game at a dirty level where most of us wish not to play but how do we look at ourselves as regards how we speek? Maybe to ask you...have you ever said words more so about a person or to a person and later regretted saying them or just wishing it was possible to swallow them back? Am the type that is careful with words but recently, I was so worked up about a person and said 3 words about them that made a friend of mine angry and for sure, I should not have said that. It was just unnecessay. James 3:5-6 says that the tongue is a small spark that can set a massive forest on fire. With the tongue, jobs have been lost, marriages broken and hatred created in families. You must not say it especially when angry. It is better to pull aside until the anger calms down. Let's just close by saying that we should avoid slander, lies, and "unwholesome talk" in favor of words that build others up, bring peace, and reflect wisdom (Ephesians 4:29, Proverbs 15:1)

Or shouldn't we?

@Stephen Mungai

THE BOYCHILD'S AWAY WALK

 THE BOYCHILD'S AWAY WALK

We talked of GBV two weeks ago and the statistics were crazy that 4 out of 10 adult women have experienced violence in their adulthood. One reader though urged us to also look at the flipside of the coin and according to her, she thought that "the sad part is ,when it is a man violated ,we do not take it seriously, but when it's a lady,we even demonstrate ". Her advice to ladies was that, " If you cannot love them as it should or forgive them, please let them go in peace.The same society that will judge you for walking away is the same society that will talk when you die of depression. Always choose you, self-love first." I found the ideas expressed here very reasonable especially in defence to the boy child, who finds himself forgotten, so many times. If the trends continue as it is, then the statistics could tilt against the men so that more men as compared to women may end up as victims of GBV. This is so true because as women have become stronger over the years as a result of affirmative action campaigns, men have become weaker and not being able to stand against more powerful women. The evidence is all around us. Just to mention, a storyline has been doing rounds that women are filling nightclubs and men increasingly becoming a no-show in the entertaiment spots once ruled by men. In the past, men left their wives at home for fun-nights but now, it looks like tables have turned because, wives are leaving husbands home for the night-outs. Reasons are many but mainly, women are increasingly developing deeper pockets than men. They can afford it. They are doing better in business and a look at the corporate world tells you that women are more in the driving seats of successful businesses today, more as in the past. Physically also, women seem to be getting the guts to stand up to many physical threats from men. Ofcourse, when a man loses the financial muscle, he also tends to lose the physical muscle as well. I draw my attention to a recent case in Nairobi where a woman stood infront of a Matatu to run a confrontational argument with the driver. When temperatures reached boiling point, she took a huge stone and smashed the Matatu's wind screen. It is not very clear what caused the confrontation but the power she displayed amazed me big. If this is how powerful women have become, then every boychild needs a self assessment of their relationships and if he is continuously pressed to a corner with no voice and with occassions of physical violence, then the boychild should just walk away....... just as they dissappeared from the Nightclubs. Maybe that is the only way to make peace and be a child of God just as Matthew 5:9 says, 'Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.' 

@Stephen Mungai

DAVID’S COME BACK PLAN

 

DAVID’S COME BACK PLAN

Tabitha came over to David‘s Kahawa Sukari apartment on a Friday evening. Getting into the house gave her an immediate feeling that something was not okay with her brother. She had always known David as the organized type of men that are a rare species in the ever-high world of Human Male Machoism, chauvinism and bigotry. She sometimes found his brother too organized for life and that amused her many times. She had never forgotten a story when they were growing up when she had borrowed an HB pencil from him. The brother told her to pick from his bag. As usual David’s bag contained well organized books and a geometrical set sitting well placed above the topmost book. The books were all covered double. A brown cover with a clear plastic paper cover on top. David’s books never really got old. On the day, she opened the bag, picked up the Geometrical set, opened it and removed the HB Pencil. She used it for an hour and returned it. When David later opened the set, he was angry at her because she had returned the Pencil on the opposite side of the right position, the other end of the set where she had removed it. Tabitha apologized but the incident remained in her memory years later. That is how organized David was. So, this Friday, Tabitha found a heap of clothes on his 3-seater Sofa. David was sitting on a one-seater sofa. Bob Marlley’s, ‘No woman No cry’ reggae hit was playing loud from the music system that sat on a corner table on one end of the living room near the TV stand. In this period of distress, he had listened to this song repeatedly. He was hoping that Sarah had the backbone to carry on and wished that he had enough strength himself to tell her so. Unfortunately, he himself was also not in a very good place. He called Sarah once every day or every two days, only managing to tell her not to worry that all will be well. Sarah felt though, that David’s voice was not that convincing. She felt the gap. She felt the distance. She perceived the now clear aperture that was leaking the love that had existed between her and David. How this vent could be covered is the answer that Sarah found a little too hard to come by. Tabitha embraced David, sat on the seat’s arm next to David looking deeply into his eyes with great concern. ‘So, what is the matter with you bro?’ She asked. David leaned forward, buried his face into his hands and said nothing. ‘Talk to me Bro. What’s up with you?’ Tabitha asked again. This time she placed her hand on top of David’s head pushing him to sit up. David sat up and while rubbing his eyes with his right hand he said, ‘Siz, am devastated. I have no idea what to do. Imagine Sarah is Pregnant!!’ ‘What!!!??’, Tabitha asked, her eyes wide open and fist on her wide-open mouth. ‘But how?’ She asks further. ‘Had you not told me that she was using Copper T birth control?’ She asks again looking at her brother, whose eyes were beginning to appear watery. David said nothing and again fell face to his hands. They sat in dead silence for a few minutes before David straightened up and said, ‘Yes. We had control in place but whatever happened, I have no idea’ Tabitha lifts her brother’s hand to stand him up then gives him a warm hug and says, ‘It is okay bro. We must accept things as they are because we cannot change them. I’ll help you plan on how to alter your earlier plans so you could take care of Sarah and the baby because this is the time that Sarah needs you most.’ Tabitha helped to bring David’s house to order, and they talked late into the night about how to handle things going forward. After all considerations, David felt a big relief because he finally had a plan on how to move forward with life.

@Stephen Mungai

GBV. THE SURFERER, THE SILENT AND THE RISK

 GBV. THE SURFERER, THE SILENT AND THE RISK

The story of Steve Godia, the man whose girlfriend poured boiling water on his upper body while he slept, is not only sad and sobering, but calls all of us to the table, to discuss the rising cases of Gender Based Violence (GBV). It was chilling to watch him in hospital bed with severe burns on his upper body and his head. I couldn't help myself but ask, 'is there a reason that is good enough to justify such violence? Is cheating reason enough? I am not sure. Why Godia's case needs a discussion is because some us, our friends, neigbours and family members are facing physical abuse from their partners but still remain in the abusive relationships for one reason or another. I am sure that some of us know people going through GBV but still hold on to their partners. I personally know several but most times, it comes hard to tell someone to leave their partners. Maybe we need to do a small survey because I guess that all of us are either currently in a serious relationship or have been recently there. And so we ask, are you currenty in an abusive relationship? Have you ever been beaten by your partner? Or it was just a slap? Could violence be the reason why you abandoned your relationship? Probably we won't get an answer from anyone here but sometimes, your silent answer may be a wake up call for you to do self assessment before things get worse. Among the reasons people stay is children but imagine the case of Faith Nyaga found by her child in a pool of blood, having been slaughtered by the husband who is now on the run!!  Imagine if she had stayed in an abusive relationship for children's sake....are the kids better now? I guess that the days when people were told to persevere in marriage especially with unreasonable abusive partners are long gone because the silent surferers risks their own life. Safety first. And that should come from the respect your person accords you. Someone who talks you down, uses uncensored dirty insults towards you, talks to you anyhow they feel like......There are partners who have no chills throwing punches, slaps and kicks at you. Others have side dishes or Mpango wa Kando and don't care whether you know it or not. Some dare to bring their mpangos to your very house and be like uta-do?. Some misuse their money burdening you with family expenses but when questioned, they quickly become violent. This kind of disrespect if allowed to go on spirals to dangerous violence that may land you in a coffin. Is it worth it? We need to respect ourselves enough not to allow such disrespect, children or not, provision or not. God will take care of you when you leave. It's better than leaving the relationship in a coffin. Unesco report of 02.10.2025 reported that 34% of women aged 15–49 in Kenya have experienced physical violence. Those numbers are alarming and need action to end this madness. Though skewed towards women, for sure, there are also men who are  suffering from domestic violence. My pen's ink is running out so must I sign off, better with a biblical verse. Ephesians 5:21: Encourages submitting to and respecting one another out of reverence for Christ. Let's continue once i putchase another pen.

@Stephen Mungai